oh crap.

My girlfriend and I were sleeping together one night... just sleeping... and I can't remember what I had for dinner, but I was letting the raunchiest farts ever... I'm talkin' the hard boiled eggs/sulfur variety and they smelled so bad I was waking her up... It was all fun and games, right? I was doing the dutch oven thing, pulling the covers over our heads and laughing harder and harder the more and more she screamed... I kept letting these ball-rattling farts all night cracking myself up... even into the next day. We had class at the same time so she walked onto campus with me and I was walking down the sidewalk still ripping these awful, loud, violent farts... I mean they were huge and stinky... I was hating it for the people walking behind me... and then this one time I thought it was just another fart coming and so I let it out, but what it really was was EVERYTHING in my stomach exiting in one fail swoop... the bottom completely dropped out... My face turned white.

I commanded her in a monotoned astonishment "Gimme your keys!" And she asks in giggling in disbelief

"did you just shit yourself?"

100% mud. And I was holding the legs of my shorts b/c the mud was all running down my legs in the middle of campus... and I went to University of XXX... big school, middle of the day, right before class... so I like take the keys and make a dash for the car holding my pants legs so it didn't drip everywhere, drove home sitting on my bookbag so I didn't get it on her seat... had to trash that... thanks for listening.